Family: Honorable Living

Sermon Outline

ME

One question I think about often is how can we as a church minister to everyone. Have you given this any thought?

God loves everyone and every age and stage of life. However, the very first institution God created was the family. The fact remains that every single person in this room is at some stage of family.

From the infant to the great-great-grandparent, everyone is at a stage of family.

And today the family is under attack. It has been since the beginning; it’s just that today’s attacks are personal to us.

Some of the attacks on today’s family include:

• The feeling of instability young couples have about having children.
• Outright sin being taught as education.
• Homes with absent parents.
  • The parent might be there, but they aren’t really there.
• Couples who have learned how to be married from the TV and not the Bible.

The list could go on and on.

BUT, we are not victims; we are more than conquerors in Christ!

I don’t know about you, but I am a victim of no man and no thing. So how might a modern family be healthy? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE A HEALTHY FAMILY TODAY?

Today we are going to begin our series on family with something every single person will deal with: the choices we make during conflict.

In truth, the hardest part of conflict is not figuring out who is wrong. We are really good at that. The hardest part of conflict is deciding who I’m going to be while it’s happening.

I’ll give you an example.

In the summer of 2008, my family made a trip out to Yellowstone. During that trip, we drove over Beartooth Pass. I believe it’s the highest highway in the continental 48 states.

At the top of Beartooth Pass, I had the idea we should go sledding in trash bags. It’s great fun! Just get a heavy-duty trash bag, open it up, and sled to your heart's content. My dad and brother joined me, and my dad left our rental van keys with my mom.

My mother, seeing the joy she was missing, decided she would join in on the fun.

After finishing our July sledding, my dad asked my mom for the keys back. The only issue was she had put the key in the front pocket of her hoodie, and at some point, the key had fallen out and into the snowbank.

We are now stranded on Beartooth Pass. Who's fault is it?!

Is it mine for wanting to trash bag sled?

Is it my dad's for not just putting the key in his pocket?

Is it my mom’s for deciding she wanted to have a fun family experience?

We do not often struggle to find someone to assign blame to, but we do often struggle to act in a way that honors God in the midst of struggle.

WE

Today we’re looking at a passage in Romans 12 that gives us some key insights and truth in how to conduct ourselves in the midst of conflict.

Every family faces moments where words cut, trust erodes, and motives are questioned.

We often tell ourselves they started it, they deserve this, I’ll be nice when they apologize.

But Romans 12 reframes the issue.

Conflict is a shared experience, but your conduct is personal to you.

Let’s read our text together.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. 19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.” Romans 12:17-19 NLT

If there’s anything my flesh wants, it’s to pay back evil for evil. It’s to take revenge. It’s to tell God, “I am your righteous anger messenger!”

A step towards having a healthy family is going to mean taking a step towards Christ first. Can we do that together today?

Let’s pray.

GOD

• Honor
  • Chooses A Different Response Than Instinct
    • “Never pay back evil with more evil.” Romans 12:17A NLT
      • The command isn’t to deny pain; it’s to refuse retaliation based on pain.
      • Honor begins where impulse ends.
        • If we live by impulse, we are automatically allowing the flesh to win.
    • God’s people are not meant to be reactionary people; we are meant to be God-honoring people.
  • Transition
    • In order for honor to win over instinct, we must realize that honor...
  • Lives Openly And Visibly
    • “Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” Romans 12:17B NLT
      • Honor isn’t just internal; it's observable.
      • God cares about our tone, posture, timing, and method.
    • What might it mean to be “honorable?”
      • The actual word here is kalos and is defined as:
        • Good that inspires others to embrace what is lovely, beautiful, and praiseworthy.
        • It means that when others see your conduct, they are inspired to follow Jesus.
        • We’re going to deal with this in a minute, but have you ever seen someone deal with family issues that inspired you to follow Christ?! That’s a goal worth reaching for.
    • The biblical truth is that conflicts are not resolved in secrecy, gossip, or being passive-aggressive.
      • The biblical method of beginning to deal with a conflict is to approach it in a way that demonstrates a good faith effort towards resolution. Therefore, “Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”
  • Transition
    • We don’t follow our instincts; we follow God’s word. We don’t settle conflict secretly, but openly and in a way that is honorable.
  • Pursues Peace Without Compromising Integrity
    • “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 NLT
    • Notice the phrase “Do all that you can.”
      • The word of God is realistic in that it knows peace will not always happen, but faithfulness is always an option.
      • We live in a world where we judge outcomes. This is a normal way of doing things, but God doesn’t only look at outcomes; he looks at effort and the heart of the person making the effort.
      • To stay aligned with God’s word, we see that peace is the goal, obedience is the responsibility.
  • Transition
    • We move past instinct to honor, we seek to be visibly honoring to God, and we maintain our integrity by pursuing peace, but realizing we can only control ourselves. In the end, honor...
  • Trust God With Justice
    • “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.” Romans 12:18A NLT
      • When we take revenge, we assume a role God has not given us.
      • Here’s the hard part for the flesh. The flesh likes to be a winner. We like to finish on top and be recognized for our efforts, but honor says, “God can handle what I cannot.”
      • Trusting in God frees us from the burden of winning and keeps us aligned with the burden of the gospel.
  • Transition
    • This passage of scripture is a blanket guideline for all forms of relationships. Whether between family, neighbors, or any other form of relationship, navigating them in a mature and Christ-like fashion should be strongest in the home, but often our homes get our leftovers. We try to make our families in the margins of the other pursuits of our life.
    • So let’s look at how we can apply this to our families for stronger relationships as we navigate conflict.

YOU

Remember the meaning of “honorable” means good that inspires others to embrace what is lovely, beautiful, and praiseworthy.

So how might we live honorably?

Honorable living calls us to:

• Ask a better question.
  • We can go from, “Am I right?” to “Is this honorable?”
    • Doing this requires us to pause for a moment.
    • “The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.” Proverbs 14:16 NLT
      • The best way I have found to do this is to take a breath.
  • Why is this such a powerful shift? Because we always want to justify our side of things. We want to be right. Whether or not we are right, we can absolutely consider the other person.
• Choose visibility over vindication.
  • Listen to this verse Paul wrote about Christian living:
    • “We are careful to be honorable before the Lord, but we also want everyone else to see that we are honorable.” 2 Corinthians 8:21 NLT
  • Would you be comfortable with your response being streamed for the world to see?
    • Just assume in this day and age that everything is being recorded.
    • Often in our homes, we act differently because we believe our actions are more private, and sometimes that doesn’t inspire the best in us to come out.
    • If we wouldn’t want it recorded and played for the world to see, we might want to rethink.
• Take responsibility for your side of the relationship.
  • You cannot control reconciliation, only your contribution.
  • Jesus said this:
    • “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” Matthew 7:3 NLT
      • I’m so guilty of this!
        • I often justify my actions and responses based on the actions of others.
  • Have you ever heard the phrase, or maybe you said, “I’ll be happy when they…”
    • Why would we allow someone else to control how we feel?!
• Release the need to settle the score.
  • I’ve found most of the time even my flesh doesn’t want an apology; it wants the other person to suffer the pain I felt. But read what the word of God says:
    • “And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26 NLT
      • This is not a biblical mandate to extract an apology from your loved one before you go to bed.
      • Look at what the word says:
        • Don’t sin by letting anger control YOU.
        • Don’t let the sun go down while YOU are still angry.
      • You want to know how to get a better night's rest? Apologize from the heart.
        • Here’s a wonderful apology template:
          • “I apologize for… I could have… will you forgive me?”
• Decide who we want to be before the conflict is resolved.
  • Resolution takes time; character is revealed immediately.
  • I like this verse:
    • “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart.” Luke 6:45 NLT
      • Whatever the outcome, do our actions reveal the heart of God? Because how we act as a family might be the strongest witness of Christ the world ever sees.

Conclusion

If the world needs something, it is strong families, and strong families don’t just happen. They’re built on the foundation of Christ.

Conflict is going to happen! The question is, when it does, are you willing to “Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable?”